I want to begin this post with two points:
1. The title of this post is MY Story. The key word being my!
2. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Matthew 7:1
This post has been a work in progress and at first was just going to be for my personal self. After a lot of reflection and various situations, I decided to publish my post. I started this blog to be honest about all aspects of parenthood, so why shy away from the issues that tend to be controversial. I have been working on this post (mostly in my head) for quite some time. So here goes.....
I want to start off and say that this is MY story and if you do not like what I have to say, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ IT! Please do not be negative towards my views and story, as I try to not judge your views.
When I got pregnant one of the first questions people would ask me was "Are you going to breast feed?" It was like that was the golden question. My answer was always that breast feeding was my plan and I was going to give it a shot. I was lucky enough to get to stay home for the first six months of Parker's life. So my goal was to breast fed for at least those six months. I researched and prepared myself for the goal of breast feeding Parker.
As usually plans always change! Parker came and breast feeding began. In the hospital Parker did not care to latch on or seem that interested in breast feeding, but I was determined to keep trying. So I did! Once we got home nothing got better. Parker still would not latch and if he did he would only nurse for a couple of seconds. He HATED nursing. Yes my child HATED to be breast fed. You can ask my mom and my husband and they will both tell you, Parker wanted nothing to do with nursing. I promise I am not exaggerating. He would scream and scream the whole time I tried to nurse him. This of course frustrated me and at times made being a mommy hard. Breast feeding was a huge stress and made me not enjoy mommy-hood. No, nursing Parker was not fireworks and the most amazing bonding time that you hear other mothers talk about. It had turned into a time that I dreaded and hated. Yes, I hated breast feeding.
After a lot of thought I decided that breast feeding was causing stress, so I pumped for the first time. I had decided to just pump and give Parker what I pumped in a bottle. I was only able to generate a SINGLE ounce from pumping. That is right, I was not creating enough milk to feed Parker. After two weeks of no change in the amount I was able to create, I decided it was time to stop.
Here is where things got complicated.... I was afraid to tell my mom and husband that I was not going to breast feed/pump anymore. I was afraid.... but why? The reason... pressure. No my husband and mom did not put pressure on me.... I put pressure on myself. More specifically the world put pressure on me.
When you are pregnant, you hear a lot about breast feeding. You hear breast is best (no I am not saying it isn't). Everyone talks about how much better your baby is going to be if you breast feed and that if you breast feed you are doing what is best for your baby. You hear people talk about how great/healthy their baby is BECAUSE they breast fed. There is a feeling placed on you that you SHOULD breast feed. What an enormous amount of pressure placed on you before your child has even entered the world.
So I am hear to say why not support each other instead of pressuring one another (and at times even judging)!!! If you do not want to be judged if you breast feed your child till they are two, then please do not judge us on our decision to not breast feed. Also, please do not talk about how great/blessed your child is because they are breast feed or never had to have formula. (Off my soap box.)
Breast feeding is not an indication of how good a mommy you are. So it is okay if a) you do not want to breast feed or 2) you try it and stop. YOU are your child's mommy so your decision of what/how you want to feed your child is all that matters. Do not let the opinion of others make you feel as if you are not a wonderful mother. They are just opinions/ judgements.
It is funny how many people opened up to me about their desire to not breast feed or dislike only after I opened up. It was like they were afraid to be judged and often mothers told me they were judged for not breast feeding. I just think that is awful and should not happen. We should try and support each other as mothers. We all raise our children differently and no one (or way) is perfect. So if someone out there does not like the idea of breast feeding then please do not be afraid to admit it!
Parker is a HEALTHY/ amazing child who only received breast milk for two weeks. I do not look back on my decision and know that I made the right choice for the both of us. I do not see myself as a quitter (yes I was called that ) but as a mother who cared about the well being of her child (and self).
So please world instead of judging/pressuring let's support! Everyone needs to make a decision that is best for you and your child.
Disclaimer: I left out a lot of what I wanted to say due to it was more feelings based! Also, for the record I am not against breast feeding just against pressuring people and judging mothers who do not breast feed. Not breast feeding your child till they are two is not the end of the world nor does it make anyone a bad mother or a your child any less blessed/wonderful/healthy :)
Just MY story!
